The Seven Lamps of Relationship




Inspired by the title of John Ruskin’s book The Seven Lamps of Architecture, I have titled today’s blog The Seven Lamps of Relationship as I intend to write about the spotlights that illumines a relationship. Without these lamps, relationship will flounder in darkness. Just living together does not mean the relationship is hale and hearty. The seven lamps that I am going to talk about are the lamps that if we turn them on will guide the ship of our relationship through the rough waters of life.

Lamp 1

Communication

The single most important lamp. If there is no communication, there is no relationship. Communication lamp should be always on. if it is switched off, it means you are switching off the relationship.  Talk even if you severely disagree on a matter. Discuss in detail whatever bugs you. The wife may dislike a particular thing about the husband and the husband may detest a specific thing about the wife.  Spell it out. It’s ok to argue. But don’t leave an argument unfinished. Don’t walk off midway. Take the argument to its logical conclusion. Agree to disagree is an oft-repeated remark but it’s true.

Lamp 2

Attention       

Most of us pay attention to everything except to our partners. We’ll pay attention to the minutest thing that is in the report to be submitted to the boss. Ten times we’ll think over what to wear when we are invited to attend some occasion. Our TVs, our phones, our cars, our servants, our friends, they all get attention from us but the better-half remains neglected. Wife or husband, both need to pay attention to each other. The wife maybe dieting, exercising, to reduce her weight but the husband doesn’t notice. The husband maybe working hard at something but the wife misses seeing that. Like this, there are so many other examples. Neglecting to pay attention to each other is a sure-shot recipe for disaster.

Lamp 3

Romance

In most marriages, romance ends as soon as the honeymoon period is over. Then, everything becomes routine, and with the passage of time, partners start behaving as room-mates. To keep the relationship hot and vibrant, romance is a must. Would a woman go to see her lover dressed shabbily? Never. The husband is her lover - she has to consider that - and thus dress up appropriately when it’s time for him to return from work. The same thing applies to the husband. Would he go to meet his girlfriend without flowers and gifts? Never. The wife is his girlfriend. Once a week, if he can’t manage every day, he should buy something for her, howsoever small it is. Even a chocolate can do the trick.

Lamp 4

Gratitude  

The minimum that partners can do for each other is to express gratitude. A ‘thank you’ can go a long way in strengthening the relationship. Acknowledging a partner’s contribution will raise his/her spirits. Every individual has a need in him to be recognised. This need gets fulfilled when thanks is said. Relationship should never be taken for granted at any stage; whether it is at the beginning or after 50 years.

Lamp 5

Patience

Don’t get annoyed over trivial things. Food is not cooked properly; the husband might say. You are watching cricket full time; the wife might say. Why don’t you leave me alone, the husband might say? You never take me out, the wife might say. Be patient. A little understanding can help from things going out of control. Plan your evenings and weekends.       

Lamp 6

Creation

Create something for each other. Every husband cannot build a Taj Mahal for his wife but he can surely write a few lines for her, or paint and sing for her, or sit with her and listen to her. The wife can do the same for her husband. Write, paint, sing or sit with him and listen to him. That’s how memories get created.  

Lamp 7

Pride

Let the world know that both of you are proud of each other. Don’t ever let each other down publicly or even otherwise. Be together, stick together, stand for each other. You two are what counts. So, let not anything affect that. When the wife sees pride for her in her husband’s eyes and when the husband sees pride for him in his wife’s eyes, then there’s no other experience that can replace this emotion.



-          NZ

17.5.2019


Comments

  1. Vijay kumar18 May 2019 at 09:16

    A parallel thought, relationships & trust once developed and matured should not require this level of nurturing & effort.

    ReplyDelete

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