The Failure and Success of Marriage


                 

They say marriages are made in heaven. Well, if it was so, then all marriages would have been perfect. None of them would have ever failed. But the story is different. The percentage of failed marriages compared to successful marriages is quite high. A failed marriage doesn’t necessarily have to end in a divorce. Couples prefer staying together despite the differences. They do so mainly because of social compulsions, unwillingness to go through the divorce proceedings, settlements, and other affiliated reasons.

Leo Tolstoy’s novel Anna Karenina opens with the following line:

"All happy families are alike; each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way."

The same applies to marriage also.

All happy marriages are alike; each unhappy marriage is unhappy in its own way.

All marriages that fail, fail because of some defect. Let me first make it clear that failure of marriages  due to dowry demands, domestic violence, berating each other’s in-laws and adultery are not covered in the blog because to me these are abominable actions and couples involved in such marriages should immediately separate. Nothing can bring them closer.

The reasons (defects) that I am going to highlight, are not that serious that they cannot be worked upon. If husband and wife put their heads together and understand what is required from each other, then they can turnaround their failed or failing marriage.

Here are the reasons (defects) that create roadblocks in a relationship:  

-          Taking each other for granted

-          Death of romance

-          Little or no conversation

Whether the marriage is two- year old or twenty- year old, the cause for failure is the above three reasons (defects) only. And if they aren’t controlled within a reasonable time, then with every passing moment, reconciliation would get more and more difficult.

One has to consistently make efforts to get the marriage going. So admiration, appreciation and affection - the 3 A’s - should always be part of the relationship. If the spark of romance is diminishing, then it should be reignited. A love note, a ‘missing you’ WhatsApp message, a ‘thinking of you’ voice mail can work wonders. Or gift a rose, chocolate, perfume, or any other favourite item. Not much of a headache it is – or is it?

Some men say that it is unmanly to express in these ways. Ask any women in this world and even if one agrees, I’ll take back my words. Romance can never go out of fashion. And I have shown above that being romantic doesn’t mean buying diamond rings.

Finally, the conversation – that’s the lifeline of any relationship. Whatever the situation, never let it break down.

If those encountering problems in their married life can fix these three defects (or the ones they are experiencing) then they can get their relationship back on track.

-          NZ

15.7.2019




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